New City Loneliness

“Whenever you get to a new city, there are the initial few days, 3 or 4 at least, when you feel sad, depressed, lost.  I call it ‘The New City Loneliness,’” said Yelena, a striking Canadian blond of Serbian origin.  At 23, post a masters in Philosophy, she was traveling Asia as a break between school and work.  It was not her first trip to the continent and a third time in India.  We met at a yoga class that was part of a teacher’s training that she was doing for a month in Mysore, and having been in town for a week, she had her bearings, her friends, and her routine.  I, however, was off to a slow start. 

“In front of us is Loyal World, the supermarket when you’ll get anything you need.  If you go to the right and then make the third right, you’ll find Green Leaf restaurant which is good.  Thali for 50 at lunch.  There is also Cups restaurant and the Italian coffee places before you make a turn for Green Leaf.”  She was explaining the lay of the land and I was attempting to take it in.

My first few days in Myscore were not as smooth as other towns.   I was already on day 5 and things were coming together but with a bit more pain than usual.  The teacher I came to study with did not work out, and the search for another one was taking time.  The “foreigner” community in the suburb of Gokulum is very yoga focused, and social interactions revolve around one’s yoga shala.  Since I did not have one, I was on the outside and was getting glimpses of the happy yoga cliques here and there, but not fitting in.

The pain of discovery and settling in was not new, and remembering this was a major comfort.  Knowing that Yelena (love those popular Eastern European names) has had the same experience was also re-assuring.  Same, same, as they say in Asia. 

Extended travel is like a microcosm for life, only on speed.  When one is traveling for more than two weeks or a month, there is the opportunity to get a glimpse of how a town really works, to get to know some people through their work and repeated encounters, to take a glimpse inside their homes, their problems, and their grocery store. The easiest way in is through engagement on either the volunteer/work or student level.  Jumping into a formed or forming community of people with the same goal, meeting them day after day and sharing problems unlocks the gates of any city.    

However, in India, chance plays a very powerful role as well.  Exactly a week into my stay in Gokulum and I had company for every meal.  Breakfast was spent with a Birgit, a girl who overheard my search for a yoga studio the week before and took me to her teacher.  The teacher turned out to be quite amazing and I’ve been practicing at Yoga India ever since.  Lunch was an invitation from a foreigner couple (British/Hong Kong) who actually live in Mysore.  I met them at a yoga anatomy class the day before, and they planned out my last week in India with their local expertise and western sensibility, then cooked me an amazing healthy Chinese meal on the terrace of their gorgeous home.  Later that day, laden with veggies for a quiet night in, I bumped into an Indian couple as I was passing them on the road.  They chatted me up, invited me for chai, and over later for free lunch at their work (a hotel buffet) and dinner at their house.  While I politely declined more meal invitations for the day, feeling over-socialized, they instructed me on how to cook the strange vegetables I just purchased, and said they will call me the next day for lunch and dinner.  As I finally continued on my way home, a Russian-speaking student for Kazhastan, whom I met the night before at a restaurant called me for dinner.  With gratitude, I offered “another night.” 

As I look back on the last 2 months of solo travel and transition, the New City Loneliness seems to be the ever-present welcoming committee in every new town.  However, the biggest constant in life is change, and everything does, when given enough of time.  One of the values of travel is perhaps experiencing some of life’s transitions and mapping out the patters.